This is the prayer wall in the Lisa Barth Chapel at Children’s Mercy Hospital. Each white card that you see folded here and inserted into the wall represents a prayer for a sick child and their family. Guests to the chapel are welcome to leave a prayer request or take a card to pray over. There are no guidelines or restrictions on what types of prayers can be written — no stipulations about denomination or religion. There are just prayers as they might be sent straight up to God, from Christians, Buddhists, Jews, Muslims, and so on. I took one last week and on the card were a few sentences scrawled in handwriting that belonged either to a child or a desperate adult turning to faith as a last hope: “Pray for Jules. Baby girl. We love you.” As simple as it is, this prayer and the idea of this wall have stayed with me for days. Prayer is how we build our relationship with God. And this wall captures perfectly how I imagine prayers arriving in Heaven for Him to delicately weigh against His plan for us. While prayer is often our last resort — even for some longtime believers — all we have to do is put our words out there so they can eventually be found, read, and blessed. Our prayers don’t have to be pretty or legible — they just have to be sent, displaying our belief.
There was a mistake made on my part. After a few failures and rejections, I thought I could sit you out, waiting until it felt right to get back into you. I knowingly and willfully gave your power over me to exes and former lovers while I took months to myself, suffering and reliving missteps. To mask the pain you caused, I surrounded myself with temporary people who weren’t a fit — who didn’t share beliefs important to who I am — people I knew would be gone in 6months or a year — no more than two.
And then one day, I was shaken awake. I realized that what I thought was you wasn’t you at all. To be true, Love, you must flow from the right source. When I was far away, you came searching — and when you found me, suddenly you weren’t dependent on anyone or anything else. You were the kind of love I always wanted, that no one takes away — that doesn’t falter. You were more than enough. You filled me up. And even then, I still wondered, why did all the pain have to come first? Now I know: Love is much more than a fleeting feeling or emotion someone brings out in us, you are a person — a savior — and a savior doesn’t come until someone needs rescued.
Thank you for the wilderness. Now I can see how you flow through it.
Sincerely, One Believer