Dear Heavenly Father, Lord,
When we commit our hearts to you, our sins are taken away and our souls are washed as white as snow. So why is it that I repeatedly ask for my sins back, Lord? Why can’t I just let you carry them off someplace and be done with the hurt they’ve caused? Why do I try so hard to put them back in my life? Your resurrection defeated them. I am victorious in you. Still, something in me can’t accept the cleansing you’ve given me.
The same people I ask your help to forgive – every time I see them, the betrayal is fresh again. The same temptations arise, leading to the same lusts and letdowns. Every few days, I find myself on my knees or head bowed in prayer, asking for more strength to face familiar foes, the same situations. My prayers are plain spoken and direct — my heart open to your answer, whatever that might be — even if it’s not always what I intend, I know it’s your way Lord.
This week, I’m feeling something in me change, but is it real Lord? I’ve experienced something like this before. Followed you closely for a few weeks or months, and then watched my own feet veer off into the wilderness. Will this new feeling fade, too? Lately my prayers are giving way to something beautiful. I’ve been studying your word intently and spending more time in prayer. My feet seem to be finding steady ground. The deeper I trust you, the more you reveal yourself.
In the middle of a church service yesterday, you spoke to me and put a word on my heart: “Before turning his sights on the world, a man rights his own house before the Lord.” Your guidance was as clear as the words I prayed to you. My focus should be on bringing my younger two children to you, Lord, and strengthening my oldest daughter’s faith. My role is to live as an example for them, Lord — to exemplify your ways — and let them find their own path to you.
Lord, give me the strength to hold onto your hand and not wander away. Carry my sins off for good, and let me withstand the fiery arrows that want to prevent me from delivering my family up to you.
In Jesus name … amen.