Here is what I know about putting your heart out there: you will be ridiculed for it. There will be those who can’t imagine being that open themselves. They could never envision saying the kinds of things you say aloud, let alone to complete strangers. They are much more private, and they expect you to be too. There are others who will take what you say and speak ill about you. They will gather the details you shared and cast them in a negative light with whoever they can, especially those who will be hurt most. And there are still others who will listen to what you say and either openly mock you or offer a counter argument, not seeing how blind, uninspiring or unwanted their thoughts might be. But when you risk it — when you are brave, say what others have been thinking and that passion comes bursting out of your soul, you manage to reach a few … or even only one. And they tend to be the most beautiful people, the most unexpected connections, with a spirit like your own. Those bonds never break, and they are worth offending the people who can’t relate or the friends you might lose.
The body used to belong to me. I once gave power over it to exes and former lovers who used it at their discretion. I openly subjected it to disease by putting it together with other bodies that were also lost and struggling for a connection, even if fleeting and superficial. Eventually my world became about the body – delivering it as much pleasure as I could find with the most beautiful people I could meet. This went on for a few years until a sense of numbness overcame me and the touch of strange lovers didn’t feel pleasing anymore. My heart opened inwards to a new spirit that spoke to me – not an audible voice, but an audible feeling that told me I could serve a greater purpose. The feeling I heard, if that makes any sense, was the Holy Spirit. A savior is what I worship now. A source whose love is enough. Every morning, I rise to spend time with him – read his word while building my body with weights so my faith is reflected in my shape and my health. This body belongs not to me now, but to something higher.