My prayer this morning took me to the place where I was created. I was somewhere that felt close to God but in darkness and not yet filled with his light. I was lying in a space without floor or ceiling or even shape. I was there waiting, in a body and with identity, but not fully formed or feeling. I was at peace unlike any I’d ever felt, and yet I didn’t know what peace was and had no experiences to compare it with. In this timeless moment, both sleeping and awake, I was full of joy but with no reason, not knowing there was anything more to anticipate. I was an idea — God’s idea — and I could feel he had plans for me. There was a way forward for me, but I had no sense of the world or even direction. I did not know myself or him yet. Still, I knew I loved him. When I realized this love, intense light began to surround me. I felt myself take shape. I could hear him draw up his breath and release it into my new body. What he breathed gave spirit and soul, life and purpose, love and courage. I was alive and on my feet, standing in all his glory — sharp white light tinged with gold arched around me, and I felt for the first time the very heart of God. His spirit told me: “In this life that I have gifted you, you are to spend every moment trying to get back to this feeling and the one who gave it to you. Your purpose is to help others discover it, too. The moment of your birth … in spirit. The way back to your eternity in my kingdom.” He blessed me, my mission, and set me down among all he created with all the love I would ever need.
On the drive into work this morning, I turned off the radio and asked God to speak to me. I’ve been praying to hear His voice more often because when I first heard Him a year ago, His words were crystal clear. He’s gone somewhat silent since then, and I’ve had trouble determining what thoughts are His and which are mine. I drove for a few miles – – maybe five or 10 minutes – – and didn’t hear anything, so I turned my radio back on and kept driving.
After a few minutes I started to feel this tightness around the middle of my body, and then I realized it felt like something pulling me through the interstate traffic toward downtown. God had a rope around me and was leading me down His path whether I wanted to go or not.